Every Dawn is Invincible
First opd of the day!
Lady with an innocent smile which I could feel through the mask, comes in accompanied by two men, looks like she is not used to the attention she is getting. She speaks sheepishly embarrassed to even be there. Two men, introduce themselves brothers of this lady. I instantly recognise one of them. His entire family was covid positive, admitted under my care. Lady finally spoke up, said she is COVID positive and she really is fine! Only worried about her husband who is admitted in another hospital. That's the reason her BP is high and kept saying I am fine but my brothers insisted I see you.
She comes from a neighbouring village, she has 2 lovely daughters who are waiting for father to return. She adds, doctor said he is getting better will discharge in few days. I take over the conversation, I ask her questions about herself and her health. We women have been conditioned to put our family first and hardly ever talk about ourselves and our needs. I told her she needs to take care of herself and then reassure her everything is going to be ok, her husband will be ok.
One of the brother's phone starts ringing, he apologetically requests me if he can take the call and he steps out. I continue talking to this lady, I am drawn to her innocence and simplicity! I wish her well and call for my next patient.
As she steps out, brother quickly enters, He just a call from hospital that her husband is no more.... " Ma'am what should i tell her? Wish he was admitted under your care in this hospital, we had to admit him elsewhere due to lack of beds here. What should I do now? His eyes filled with tears, helplessly turning into sobs.
I am shocked as this entire tragedy unfolded in front of me, tears in my eyes. A few minutes ago I didn't know this lady, this family and now I am part of a tragedy which I was not able to grasp. The pure innocence of the lady and now her grief. Grief is such a ruthless invader. It took me back to few months ago, an unsuspecting phone call which changed my life forever, call that my best half was no more. I froze...
I called for my next patient and continued to work..I had to push away the battle of my grief, my pain, how every single tragedy is a trigger I have to deal with...I am emotionally exhausted. There is no time for it now, I told myself.
This pandemic is leaving mountains of tragedy, the impact on people's mental health. Everyone has lost someone, the anxiety of beds not being available to get care, oxygen, fear of dying, helplessness, isolation from loved ones, non availability of medicines, the financial burden, the guilt that they haven't done enough and countless other factors. All these are going to leave raw wounds.
A mental health pestilence is on its way. We will be dealing with whole lot of unhealed people. I wish and pray that everyone heals completely and compassionately.
The grotesque invader
Invisible to our naked eyes
Taking away life's lustful joys
Invaded our private spaces
Hunger for breath
Mercy by death
Isolating our soul darlings
Leaving a dreadful carnage
How do we accept the grief??
Praying for a Divine relief!!
Every dawn is Invincible!
